this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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