That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
