im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
