So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
