You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
