I heard we made out
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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