We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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