I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
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