dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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