I am in a vortex of obligation.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
