Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
