i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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