There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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