god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
