I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
