I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
