eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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