At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so let's talk penis.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
