Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
