you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
