Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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