i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
