Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
