lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
