if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
