Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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