Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
