Who did Billy Mays play for?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
