Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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