My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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