Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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