Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
