Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize