I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
