Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my phone needs a breathalizer
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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