What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
