One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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