how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
