Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Who died my cat blue again?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
