She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
