I am midnight drunk by noon
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
