I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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