she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
