ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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