She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
