you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
