this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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