I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
