just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
