i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
