I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
