He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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