I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
