You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
