I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
