Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
