My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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