Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
