Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
