I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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