This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
