You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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