I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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