listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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